Chickweed Café

SHE'S HERE!

2011-03-01T12:54:00.003-05:00

For inquiries and orders go to Pib Press and start the ball rolling.

HILARY HAHN'S 2010-2011 CONCERT SEASON POSTER

2011-02-25T10:31:00.000-05:00

Posters for Hilary Hahn's 2010-2011 concert season are now available – a bit of news I highlight here in particular because I designed and drew the poster. Proceeds from the sale of the posters will benefit the Animal Welfare Society in West Kennebunk, Maine. Neither violinist nor cartoonist will realize any personal gain from the sales, only the gratification in knowing that those whom P. G. Wodehouse affectionately called our "dumb chums" will benefit. Further info can be read at my giclée print site, or you can bypass that and go directly to hilaryhahn.com and click the word "gifts" over on the far right.

Meanwhile, here is a preview of the poster.

Oh...and before I forget, you can elect to purchase from a limited edition of 1000 large posters autographed by Hilary Hahn and myself.

From the DON'T FORGET, EDIE'S BACK department

2011-02-20T17:48:00.000-05:00

DON'T FORGET...

...EDIE'S BACK.

From the ESPRIT DE L'ESCALIER DEPARTMENT

2011-02-20T17:36:00.000-05:00

My friend and noted author Alan Dean Foster bunged this one over to me, and I couldn't in a million years put it as well. So much so, that I want to pass it on.

Quoted in Maureen Dowd's column from todays NY Times:

Leon Wieseltier, literary editor of The New Republic, recalled that when he started his online book review he forbade comments, wary of high-tech sociopaths.

“I’m not interested in having the sewer appear on my site,” he said. “Why would I engage with people digitally whom I would never engage with actually? Why does the technology exonerate the kind of foul expression that you would not tolerate anywhere else?”

Why must the common denominator be so common?

ALLIED SPY, u.s.w.

2011-02-17T09:54:00.001-05:00

I thought I'd pass on this sketch. It is an early study for the cover of "Edie Ernst, USO Singer - Allied Spy." The book, complete with the final cover, is over at Pib Press.

I felt the inclusion of the Army Air Corps pilot's cap added a certain "Miss Lace" feel to the final cover. Inside the book is a little visual reference to Rita Hayworth - and I feel Miss Hayworth is always worth the time it takes to dish up visual references.

EDIE AND KIESL IN CAMERA

2011-02-16T10:42:00.002-05:00

"Edie Ernst, USO Singer - Allied Spy" contains new art, exclusively drawn for the book.

A detail of a private moment between Edie and Kiesl. If you are interested in the new book wherein the rest of this illustration tastefully appears, contact Pib Press for information.

EDIE IS BACK

2011-02-14T17:23:00.000-05:00

"Edie Ernst, USO Singer - Allied Spy" will be released on March 1st.

You may pre-order now by nipping over to Pib Press and getting the ball rolling.

THE IMPLICIT MORAL VIRTUE LEXICON: SMILE

2011-02-13T18:56:00.000-05:00

Noun: In politics, an incongruous centerpiece for the face; a promise that, no matter what is said, you are in no danger of hearing the truth.

THE IMPLICIT MORAL VIRTUE LEXICON: ATTENTIVE

2011-02-13T18:48:00.000-05:00

Adjective: Mentally undressing you while you speak.

THE IMPLICIT MORAL VIRTUE LEXICON: FAITH

2011-02-13T18:45:00.000-05:00

Noun: Belief unfettered by carbon dating.

Historically, faith is the fuel without which contrary conviction would never combust.

2011-02-12T13:15:00.000-05:00

COMING SOON!

THE IMPLICIT MORAL VIRTUE LEXICON: SINCERITY

2011-02-12T13:05:00.000-05:00

"Sincerity" is a word that comes plump with implicit moral virtue. That would be a good thing, except that history's most horrific tyrants terrorized and warred and scourged the landscape with nothing if not relentless sincerity. It has always been one of the perks of despotism. Only in less efficient forms of government does the word become desecrated and down at heel. The very first casualty in the political conduct of any republic is sincerity.

EDIE and KIESL

2011-01-31T01:07:00.001-05:00

The time draws near. The very first 9 Chickweed Lane book is in the finishing stages of layout and triple proofreading (actually, it's the second, if you count "Hallmarks of Felinity," but I'm not very good at counting). It will be.......oh, what the heck. Here's a preview of the cover:

The release date is not firm yet, but it is in the offing. I'll post it here and elsewhere when I know.

Be glad. I am.

THAT OLD GANG OF MINE

2011-01-26T22:20:00.000-05:00

Insanity is the exception in individuals. In groups, parties, peoples, and times it is the rule.

---Friedrich Nietzsche

YOU ARE KNOWN BY THE COMPANY WHO WANTS TO KEEP YOUR COMPANY

2011-01-19T10:15:00.001-05:00

Beware the man who seeks out and consorts with people he considers his inferiors. Greatness by dint of contrast is not all that great.

And if he rejects your company, don't forget to thank him.

From the THAT WHICH WE PUBLICLY REVERE, BUT WOULDN'T BE SEEN WITH IN POLITE SOCIETY department: TRUTH

2011-01-16T10:51:00.005-05:00

Truth has a cosmetic reputation. It is never acceptable until it soothes, and it is never soothing until it perjures.

There is nothing so tasteful as to ask for the truth, nothing so arrogant as to comply.

From the THE OTHER THING THAT WE WOULDN'T BE SEEN WITH IN POLITE SOCIETY department: LAUGHTER

2011-01-16T10:48:00.000-05:00

Truth observes the facts. Laughter observes the truth.

Horror observes everything left over.

DO SOMEBODY A WRONG WEEK

2011-01-09T13:23:00.002-05:00

There is no gift half so gratifying as the bestowal of a wrong, a slight, an injurious comment – the more footling, the better. People may love their pets and adore their children (in that order), but they consecrate their lives to the glory of their grievances.

EVIL IMPUTED IS EVIL BETRAYED

2010-12-30T10:20:00.001-05:00

When accusations fly, keep your peace, focus on the accuser, fasten on his words. What he charges will be a guess as to the contents of your mind, a dead certainty as the contents of his own.

THAT'S RIGHT, OLLIE.

2010-12-24T13:54:00.000-05:00

We all have learned that the world and its oceans were navigated and conquered by Hardy Seafaring Men. It was the evident absence of Laurel Seafaring Men that depresses me.

BLAME

2010-12-21T11:33:00.001-05:00

If you are experienced and qualified, if you have tried and fought and triumphed, if your life is distinguished with achievement – you are to blame for something.

9/11 AND SHORTLY THEREAFTER

2010-12-19T13:17:00.008-05:00

I was thinking not long ago about the oddness of, well, just everything – everything in life being indisputably odd at the very least, and capable of escalating to horrific at the very most. I was thinking this because of two 9 Chickweed Lane cartoons that appeared in the week following the massacre of 9/11.

These are the two cartoons, the first published September 15th, 2001, the second September 17th.

(click these to see larger versions.)

Both of these drew strong commentary when they appeared. You can probably remember the mood at the time, particularly if you lived in the U.S. The first one prompted an eruption of letters from people who either took it to be a tasteless joke at the expense of all those who died in the attacks four days earlier (which was understandable) or a tearful memorial (which I couldn't understand at all). The ire the first one roused was ferocious. The second was taken to be a mini-sermon with a questionable gag line.

I spent quite a while sending out letters to explain that daily cartoons for my syndicate were composed and submitted four weeks prior to publication (that's the odd part – a silly little gag, by dint of coincidence, turns into a big, tasteless jape). A lot of readers did not want to believe me, and called me a liar. As I say, a horror had taken place; and even my explanation of the lead time for publishing cartoons did not mollify everybody. They just needed to be angry.

When I look at these cartoons now, I'm amazed. I remember hastily reviewing all my other submissions, as yet to appear over the next four weeks before my lead time caught up with 9/11. I hoped I wouldn't be stepping heavily into the tragedy anymore. I've never asked around, but I wonder how many other cartoonists found themselves in the same boat.

IF THIS IS LILLIPUT, IT MUST BE FRIDAY

2010-12-17T08:01:00.000-05:00

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.

--Jonathan Swift

I SIT IN THE SMALLEST ROOM IN MY HOUSE. I HAVE YOUR CRITICISM BEFORE ME. IN A MOMENT IT WILL BE BEHIND ME. --Max Reger

2010-12-17T00:10:00.000-05:00

Criticism tends to be self-portraiture. And the harsher and more pitiless the criticism, the more monochrome the self-portrait.

JENNY KISSED ME

2010-12-16T00:28:00.000-05:00

Jenny kissed me when we met,
   Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
   Sweets into your list, put that in!
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
   Say that health and wealth have missed me,
Say I'm growing old, but add,
   Jenny kissed me.

                                      --Leigh Hunt

ANTIGONISH and LATER ANTIGONISHES - ALIBI

2010-12-16T00:20:00.000-05:00

As I was going up the stair,
   I met a man who wasn't there!
He wasn't there again to-day!
   I wish, I wish he'd stay away!

As I was falling down the stair
I met a bump that wasn't there;
It might have put me on the shelf
Except I wasn't there myself.

                                 --Hughes Mearns

APOCRYPHA WITH A CUP OF JOE

2010-12-15T15:49:00.002-05:00

I recently read the assertion that my work has benefited from a moderating guidance by fans.

I blew a portion of just-imbibed coffee out my nose – fortunately it was tepid – and thought to myself, upon recovering, that the statement, if nugatory in all other respects, did contribute toward a good nasal wash.

There is one reason why I would as lief submit, lashed to a telephone pole, to hernia surgery with a crochet hook, than subject my work to husbandry by any group: Those who gravitate to my comic art, day after day, do so impelled by a desire to see what my mind has produced for entertainment. It is an issue of trust that I must provide my own ideas, executed my own damn way, for good or bad, undiluted, uncorrupted by any other voice. Art by democracy – other than being a disastrously jejune and fatuous idea – would amount to a dereliction of duty to my reader.

When you seek out my work, you will receive my efforts – mine always and only.

If you want something produced by a herd, expect manure.

"Après moi le déluge." --Louis XV

2010-12-15T08:16:00.006-05:00

Until then just jiggle the handle.

NEUROSIS IS ALWAYS A SUBSTITUTE FOR LEGITIMATE SUFFERING. ––Carl Jung

2010-12-13T12:17:00.004-05:00

Subjective view:

"Liar" – A word most frequently served hot, seasoned with exclamation marks - best uttered unencumbered by evidence or a sense of shame.

Objective view:
Oh, for the gift of laughter and a sense that the world is mad. (--adapted from Raphael Sabbatini, Scaramouche)

Never turn your back on a person who would not have you laugh:
Stanch a laugh if you would avoid releasing gas from the pompous. An elevator is a good place to observe this rule.

MAN IS THE ONLY ANIMAL THAT BLUSHES. OR NEEDS TO. --Samuel Langhorne Clemens

2010-12-12T16:38:00.002-05:00

So far, I have heard that one is entitled to one's rights, one's convictions, one's privacy, one's happiness –– except when it inconveniences you. The other thing I have heard is that this can be said imperially, without the slightest blush of shame. Something must be wrong with your circulation.

ANON (a great writer)

MOTTO, ORDER OF THE GARTER 1348

2010-12-12T16:04:00.002-05:00

Honi soit qui mal y pense.

AND ANOTHER NICE LITTLE RHYME THAT'S AWFULLY BIG NONETHELESS

2010-12-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

KNIGHT-IN-ARMOUR

Whenever I'm a shining Knight,

I buckle on my armour tight;

And then I look about for things,

Like Rushings-Out, and Rescuings,

And Savings from the Dragon's Lair,

And fighting all the Dragons there.

And sometimes when our fights begin,

I think I'll let the Dragons win . . .

And then I think perhaps I won't,

Because they're Dragons, and I don't.

A. A. Milne

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHOSE MINDS CANNOT UNDERSTAND WORDS AS YOU OUGHT, "FANNY," IN THIS INSTANCE, IS A WOMAN'S NAME

2010-12-12T10:08:00.002-05:00

   DEAR FANNY

"She has beauty, but still you must keep your heart cool;
she has wit, but you must not be caught so";
Thus Reason advises, but Reason's a fool,
And 'tis not the first time I have thought so,
    Dear Fanny.

"She is lovely!" Then love her, nor let the bliss fly;
'Tis the charm of youth's vanishing season:
Thus love has advised me, and who will deny
That Love reasons much better than Reason,
    Dear Fanny?

                                                       Thomas Moore

ANOTHER FAVORITE QUOTE EXCEPT IN THIS CASE A POEM

2010-12-12T09:59:00.001-05:00

THE GROANING BOARD

A buttery, sugary, syrupy waffle –––

Gee, but I love it somep'n awful.

Ginger-cakes dripping with chocolate goo,

Oo! How I love 'em! Oo! Oo! OO!

Pink

A BIERCE MOMENT

2010-12-12T09:51:00.000-05:00

POSITIVE, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

ENOUGH OF ALL THAT...

2010-12-11T16:21:00.003-05:00

Here is a quote – my very favorite quote of all quotes – written by Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw, 1818-1885).

Found

A malteese soprano kat, about 12 months old,

singing old hundred on a picket fence,

late last thursda nite, whichever person owns

sed kat will find him (or her, according

to circumstances) in a vakant lot,

just bak ov our hous, still butiful in death.

This has nothing to do with anything, but I love it and feel it belongs here.

Previously, in this spot I recorded a true and faithful account of my actions in eliminating the Pibgorn comments board at Gocomics, accompanied by the convictions that underpin them. (Anybody who wants to know what I wrote can log on to http://officialpibgorn.livejournal.com/ for the transcript.)

I was told that these words were met with a generous serving of invective and accusations of lying (people nearly always call it lying when they don't like the truth). That was followed here at Pibgorn headquarters by an astonishing gush of e-mail from previously silent fans offering their support and encouragement (you remember that scene in "Miracle on 34th Street" when Edmund Gwenn's bacon was saved by the U.S. Post Office, and Gene Lockhart found for Santa Claus and William Frawley walked with relief from the courtroom and little Natalie Wood got her wish?). I am convinced I never should have heard from these generous individuals but for all the lively contumely accreting on the Gocomics blog. For that alone I am most grateful.

I also tip my hat to those at the blog who spoke in my defense. You spoke in fairness to me, and in recognition of my rights, even despite your personal wishes.

It is daunting, the calisthenic agility with which so many of my erstwhile comments board fans bounded from indulgent patronage to, by all accounts, foaming-at-the-mouth hatred or attitudes of violated virtue worthy of Delsarte (a leap that, I contend, should get extra points for execution, except that the figure skating scoring system is too complicated, and that the level of artistry rather negated the leap). I never read the posts, but my informants tell me that the feeding frenzy achieved the febrile pitch that can only be likened to a kindergarten lynch mob (too short actually to throw the noose over a tree limb) augmented by trolls (bringing dignity to proceedings, as is their wont, by wetting their pants).

When I die, I want to die laughing. I won't forget this. Thank you.

To quote Dorothy Parker, who also, by the wildest of coincidences, did not write with a comments board or a public forum attached to her: "...But I shall stay the way I am, because I do not give a damn."

POST SCRIPT

2010-12-04T16:19:00.000-05:00

"Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right."

–– Laurens Van Der Post, The Lost World of The Kalahari

NOT MY FORTE

2010-12-04T09:30:00.007-05:00

"Interesting stories are never about people who make the right decisions." Edda said that not a very long time ago.

I write about people who employ the weaker part of the blade – the part known as the foible. In my own conduct, it is the area I wield almost exclusively. I shouldn't mind being a better fencer; but at least this allows me to view my characters with pity and affection. I wouldn't call myself generous, but I avoid the temptation to write with a hard heart – an activity that leads to morality plays and straw men, and is best suited to the critic.

Pitilessness, anyway, is the manure from which sanctimony blooms. One wants to step in it not all that often.

REST CURE

2010-10-03T07:35:00.006-04:00

For those eagle-eyed enough to notice, the Chickweed daily I drew for October 2nd contained a formal error. The whole rest in the cartoon depended from the third line rather than the fourth (from the bottom) line of the staff. This was, as I say, a formal error, because the placement of the rest does not change its meaning. No musician would have stopped upon seeing it, unable to proceed, flummoxed, paralyzed. ("The whole rest is hanging from the third line! Mein Gott! I can't move! It's...it's like the worst moment in "Alien"!)

Whole and half rests can, in fact, move at will all over the staff, depending upon spacing of other notes, sometimes appearing in the void above or below the staves (usually in choral reductions). However, a whole rest also has that remarkable ability to represent silence throughout a bar, irrespective of the bar's meter (it can be 4/4, 2/4, 3/8, 6/8 - it doesn't matter). In the bar I drew, that was the rest's function. I might have drawn four rests, arranged vertically, to account for four voice parts in the piece Edda and Amos were playing. To be absolutely accurate, I should have drawn two pairs of staves, consistent with a piano, four hand, piece, along with four fermatas.

The point of the gag, when all is said and done, was the fermata. The consternation, light though it was, over the placement of the whole rest, was a distraction from the whole point of the little romantic entertainment (in fact, the original drawing featured no staff at all - just the big fermata - then I got all fancy pants).

And here is the thing about my complete cartooning oeuvre. It fairly bristles with errors. It is a briar patch of mistakes, inaccuracies, misplaced thumbs, extra nostrils, misspellings...you name it. It is a cross I must bear.

Possibly I need a rest. But only on the fourth line from the bottom. Or half a rest. But that's on the third line, which is a whole nuther circle of hell.

"LAYING DOWN" MY PEN? ...FIRST OF ALL, ISN'T THE COMMENT RATHER, UM, PERSONAL?

2010-09-23T09:18:00.003-04:00

For some reason, Gran's departure to Austria has hatched the canard that my strip must be singing its swan song. That is the word that circulates back to me, and I am always the last one to hear. One commenter insisted that he can't see how I can continue (revealing a fascinating insight as to what he can't see – but otherwise conveying nothing to do with the strip or my plans).

As a matter of record, allow me to quell the whispers and state that "9 Chickweed Lane" marches on, with nary a thought contrariwise.

How do these rumors get going anyway? Perhaps they are milled at Thorax's "Bureau of They."

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT (WEEKLY)

2010-09-09T13:23:00.008-04:00

Entertainment Weekly posted a blog today that really oughtn't to be missed.

http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/09/09/9-chickweed-lane-is-all-kinds-of-awesome/

Thanks to Mr. Adam Vary for his kind and articulate words.

AND DID I FORGET TO SAY BACK ATCHA?

2010-09-08T16:05:00.003-04:00

Again, I feel I should state that the cataract of mail I have been receiving about the story of Edie and Kiesl leaves me astonished and gratified.

Most of the time, one works on a story in long periods of silence, punctuated by an occasional note of approbation, the odd diatribe. That's all part of the profession. Since Edie's story began late in October of 2009, the mail began to gush at me in a relentless flow – very pleased, appreciative mail, the sort of mail that reaches out to shake my hand and keep shaking and not let go me until it has said all it intended to say, and then clap me on the back for good measure. To this day the numbers burgeon. My back has been clapped a lot.

I haven't been able to thank you all in an adequate way, except to say "thank you" in this blog, and hope you're reading it. You buoy me, you make it all worth the while, and.....well.....thank you.

Brooke

SEEMS TO ME I'VE HEARD THAT SONG BEFORE

2010-08-08T18:10:00.003-04:00

Today's Chickweed cartoon had, after all was said and done, a familiar ring. Then a fan posted a Sunday cartoon I did in 2007; and what one always hopes won't happen had clearly happened. I drew the same gag then: blue line sketches showing how the character is created for the cartoon. I had no memory of it; but it obviously was a voice calling to me from the past. This sort of thing occurs much more frequently than one would like, and after 17 years or more, it is a miracle if one can forestall repetition. Here are the final panels of both cartoons.

The difference, basically the only difference, is that in 2007 I drew Isabel. This time it was Edda. I think she would be glad.

July 12th, 2010 – 17 Candles

2010-07-12T13:03:00.007-04:00

Today (I thought I ought to observe it) is the 17th anniversary of 9 Chickweed Lane. All organic, no fertilizers, no pesticides, no hormones; of every jot and tittle of it I am proud.

AN EARLY LAST STRAW

2010-06-18T14:44:00.006-04:00

In January of 1996, I drew this innocent (to my mind) little cartoon. It went past my syndicate editors at the time, who, I admit, possessed the combined I.Q. of drain hair, however, they - as I - saw nothing wrong with it. It passed the scrutiny of features editors both in North America and abroad, also without hiccup. Then it appeared in print, and Sunday schools country wide were curtailed so their teachers might retire to restroom stalls and object in hyperventilating privacy. Chickweed was canceled forthwith, most noticeably at the Houston Chronicle.

A letter sent to my syndicate, and speaking for many like-minded people, blurted, "THAT IS THE LAST STRAW!" Previously, I gathered, I had been providing enough straw to supply a good sized dairy farm and have enough left over for a tableau vivant nativity crèche; but the very last straw was this one.

For those of you who cannot see the cause of the objection, you are fine, unsullied people, most likely dull company, but fine nonetheless. For those of you who see an act of oral sex, shame on you. Your Sunday school class is waiting.

©1996 Brooke McEldowney

(click the cartoon for larger, ahem, presentation.)

Cartoon Time...and...If Yer Thinkin' What I Think Yer Thinkin'...and...THANKS

2010-06-09T11:44:00.008-04:00

Passing my eye with reluctance over comment and speculation about Chickweed (reluctant because I know all the answers and am, therefore, tempted to blurt them), I have noticed a lot of math come to bear in divining Juliette's age. The question as to the fair lady's years has become a matter of some dispute now that the current Chickweed story has become fixed in time, beginning in 1944 and moving on to 1954. Drawing on earlier Chickweed cartoons, various readers have been able to provide proof that she was born in 1960, 1955, and anywhere else on the temporal spectrum. They also point out that in my earlier strips time moved at half speed, one year in cartoon time for every two in reality. I have also been attributed with stating Juliette's age, proving that she cannot be whatever else anybody is putting forth as proof positive.

I just want to point out that nothing previously stated or written or drawn or discussed means anything anymore. When I began the story of Edie, Kiesl and Bill, I set it in the final years of World War II, at which point the floppy, imprecise world of the cartoon timeline evanesced, leaving not a rack behind. We are now fixed to an actual passage of events. I can't play fast and loose as I had before. The Timex keeps ticking. So forget the math.

Anyway, ultimately, my characters are who and what I say they are, and they say what I tell'm to say (except, of course, when they refuse).

================

Moving on:

I read from time to time ascriptions of my thinking, as revealed in what I draw, stated without doubt, or second thought. Using my work as evidence, I am imputed with the loftiest of philosophies at one end to the most vulgar and disreputable obsessions at the other. These imputations are stated by actual fans (not detractors) all without even the slightest question as to accuracy ("Dear Sir, Am I correct in inferring that you are a scuzzy fetishist and S&M purveyor?").

They are also, inevitably, unerringly, wrong.

What is revealed by such commentary is not what is on my mind when I draw, say, a shapely ankle or write a rococo locution; it reveals only what is on the reader's mind.

To quote Drusilla, "You object to what you think I am doing here – even more so, that you think what you think I am doing here; and, beyond that, what you think about thinking what you think I'm doing here. But you don't object in the least to what I'm actually doing."

===============

And finally:

I have received an astonishing amount of mail from readers about the story of Edie Ernst, U.S.O. Singer. I have never received so much mail before. I haven't been able to answer it and concurrently keep the Chickweed and Pibgorn dynamos turning. So, please, to all of you who have written to express your compliments and kind words regarding this story, my thanks.

You are most kind.

THE NEW PIBGORN BOOKS ARE OUT AND AVAILABLE

2009-11-28T21:03:00.000-05:00

The new Pibgorn books are available for purchase. Volume 2, "Pibgorn and The Poltergeist in The Piano," and Volume 3, "Pibgorn and The Borgia Cantus," can now be ordered. For full details and instructions, log on to http://pibpress.blogspot.com.

WE HAVE A WINNER!

2009-10-21T13:09:00.003-04:00

N. B. The original noun in this cartoon was not "imbecile" but "asshole."

However, such words cause syndicate editors to clench their buttocks so suddenly that they actually achieve liftoff from their cubicle chairs. So I wrote "imbecile." But all that doesn't matter. As if experiencing the intense need to prove the theory, a reader wrote it to object to the above cartoon. I didn't read the note (I never do), but my wife let me know that we had our winner. And a hissing and spitting winner he or she was too, I am told, evidently feeling that all my readers are dolts and idiots who should take up pitchforks and torches against the gag.

But this is the thing. IT WAS A GAG. It was also a universal truth about cartooning - not just my cartooning, everybody's. Immerse yourself among cartoonists, and the equal-and-opposite theory will surface, usually accompanied by the word "asshole" (a trademark expression belonging to the cartooning profession).

All that aside, our winner lets the rest of us off the hook. THE EQUAL-AND-OPPOSITE ASS-...um...IMBECILE HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED. Only, I don't know who he or she is. I only know that my wife is laughing.

That's enough for me.

THE DETAILS ARE SKETCHY

2009-10-19T11:41:00.005-04:00

A question is posed from a reader on Gocomics as to the progression of events that formed today's 9 Chickweed Lane cartoon - the chick or the egg, so to speak. (click the image for a larger view.)

What I had planned for this daily cartoon was another in what is now a series in which the black background merges with the black dancewear in which Edda is attired. Essentially, I had planned that Edda would be nothing but a head and shoulders, hands and feet, on a black backdrop. Body positions would be implied. When I prepare these cartoons, I go to the length of drawing her completely, as you can make out through the sketchy crosshatching. I then fill in the black to merge with her duds, at which point a transformation takes place that always amazes me. (Take a look at the work of Coles Phillips, http://www.americanartarchives.com/phillips,c.htm, who was doing this sort of thing with brilliance nearly a century ago.)

However, when I composed the cartoon, I began to sketch in the background as you see, partially obscuring the shape of her body. And then, I stopped. This was just the final study for the cartoon as yet to be drawn. But I really liked what had evolved. Sometimes, you just have to stop yourself from going further and screwing up an image that you like, i.e., liking it to death; so I forbore and, without excuses or explanation, sent in the cartoon to my syndicate.

Most of the best things I do I cannot explain, I do not plan, are entirely accidental. I have played a movement of, for instance, the Märchenbilder of Robert Schumann when, out of nowhere my accompanist and I found ourselves doing something with the music so moving that on succeeding days we tried again and again and again to recapture it, and without success. Those moments don't yield to force of will. They just appear, then evanesce.

I'm not suggesting the cartoon above is anything like that. However, I liked it, and I had the sense to leave it alone.

Post Script: I am glad that at this stage of Chickweed's existence, my abiding readers are willing and disposed to welcome such images. However, I know that by the end of the day someone will write in to object. And it will be a choleric objection. It is part of cartooning, like the short straw, and always a source of amazement and amusement.

IT'S HARD TO GET NYC TO SIT FOR A PORTRAIT

2009-10-17T17:31:00.004-04:00

Lately I have heard some speculation about the Friday cartoon for Pibgorn (below).

The speculation, on record at the Pibgorn page of Gocomics, concerns how I drew it, whether it was copy-and-paste, if I actually drew any part of it at all, und so weiter. When I happen upon such discussions, I hesitate to provide the answer only because I sense that the puzzle truly seems more enjoyable when unencumbered by a solution. However, in this case, I thought I'd supply the answer with the hope that it doesn't poop the party.

The above picture is the result of five layers of images (there were five when I finished assembling the image; I'm not sure what each one was). I wanted a fairly accurate representation of New York City and environs, so I first caught a satellite image of the area and, using Photoshop, distorted it to give the impression of a view of Manhattan from the south. I then carefully outlined the bodies of water in the picture, using those as the basis for the cartoon (the line art gives a basic feeling of cartooning with which I did not want to dispense). I then colored in the city, the surrounding boroughs, New Jersey, Westchester County and so forth. This was all by hand. Next I took another satellite image, distorted it, and used it to overlay my drawing at something like 60% opacity so some of my coloring and line art would show through. Following that, I shaded the whole image in such a way that night would appear to be encroaching on the city from all directions. (There was no logic to this. I just liked the look.) Finally I drew in the explosion, if you want to call it that. I did not cut and paste it, or any part of it. I did not use a photograph as a model. I just drew it. After looking at the layers I'd assembled, and making adjustments for shading and opacity, I merged them and called it an evening.

This, as is everything I draw in Pibgorn, was what I call white-knuckling it with the muse. I have a story, I have a plan for daily drawings…but they all go out the window as soon as I sit to draw. I find it hard to keep my grip on the reins, which is the way it will always be. When and if these images are assembled to make a book, changes will occur, new drawings will be created, old ones ditched, and more critical thought will be brought to bear. For the present, it's all rodeo.

On another front, there was a question regarding the story I call "Pibgorn, Mozart and The Demon Lover." Thorax asked Mozart (who was removed from 1791 Vienna to the present, somewhere in North America) if he might oblige everybody by performing a piano sonata. When Mozart saw the modern piano, he fell back in astonishment, asking what in heaven's name he was looking at. A present-day, acoustic Steinway (to pick one example) was an unknown instrument in Mozart's day, as removed from the fortepiano of Cristofori as an army tank is from a horse-drawn cannon. Likewise, modern classical performance would sound extraordinary to Mozart, not because of clarity, but because of instrumental color, volume and most of all intonation. The well-tempered system of tuning an instrument, common to all western classical music now (the Holy Bible of which is Bach's "Das Wohltemperierte Klavier"), was still new-fangled in Mozart's day, meantone temperament being the more common, and very raw-sounding intonation employed (notwithstanding the fact that musicians in those days were not altogether devoted to tuning to a common A, or, for that matter, tuning at all). Aside from that, instruments were simply softer in sound and entirely different in color from their present-day versions.

However, in the Pibgorn story Mozart fell back because he simply didn't recognize the grand as a piano.

Doppelgänger at the Staatsballett Berlin

2009-09-11T11:15:00.033-04:00

Every once in awhile, conversation turns to actors or actresses who would be good impersonators of one's cartoon inventions. Not long ago I was reading online about (I think it was) Darcey Bussell when, upon the same site, a photograph appeared of Iana Salenko, first solo dancer of the Staatsballett Berlin. It fairly rocked me back in my chair. She was almost the exact incarnation of what I think Edda would and should look like. She's in the right profession as well. These publicity photos were taken by the redoubtable Enrico Nawrath, whose EN imprint you will see. The first photograph features Dinu Tamazlacaru as her partner. The last two shots are of Iana Salenko with her husband as well as partner Marian Walter.

MY DINNER WITH ALAN

2009-08-11T17:31:00.004-04:00

Whilst in San Diego for the Comic Con International (where people dress up in full body makeup in order to produce full body makeup blisters of sweat), I was able to take time out of my own busy schedule of sweating in order to spend time with Alan Dean Foster, which was a delight (the time with Alan was the delight, not the time sweating). In the process, I got a couple of nice shots looking out on the harbor from Peohe's on Coronado Island (where "Some Like It Hot," was filmed). My daughter, Nicola, was also present, making me more attractive company than I might otherwise have been.

COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT

2009-07-07T13:16:00.003-04:00

Regarding the copying and posting of copyright material (cartoons, for instance) online, or anywhere else, without permission, this statement, from Wikipedia, is succinct and accurate:

"Copyright infringement (or copyright violation) is the unauthorized use of material that is covered by copyright law, in a manner that violates one of the copyright owner's exclusive rights, such as the right to reproduce or perform the copyrighted work, or to make derivative works."

Recently I, as well as another cartoonist whose rights were equally violated, took up this fine point with Yahoo, whose infringement department (yes, they have one) acknowledged that the point was not only fine, but had the strength of drop-forged steel. The violation was effaced from their pages.

Possibly I haven't enough cockles in my heart, but those that I possess were warmed.

THE COMICS.COM "COMMENTS" OPTION, BOARDED UP

2009-07-02T19:13:00.003-04:00

Many thanks to Skulker for alerting me to the spreading stench at the comics.com comments for Chickweed. A reader wrote to ask why the space suddenly closed up. This, with a few revisions, was my answer to him, which I then posted at the Pibgorn page on Gocomics. Members of the Order of The Couch there suggested I post the note here as well, and I take their advice.

“The comments section was walled up because I instructed my syndicate to do so. I began talking to my syndicate about closing it a few weeks back because of the few posts that kept creeping, on a daily basis, into the general discussion – comments that were, one way or the other, hateful, ugly, misogynistic, somewhat abusive or even threatening. Add to that, links to images that not only infringe upon my copyright but libel me into the bargain. My syndicate tried to dissuade me from closing up the commentary option; but I have to admit, every time I became aware of yet another flight of ugly fancy within its precincts, I became less convinced of the virtue of reserving it. I would seem to be punishing the many because of the actions of a few; however, I look upon commentary areas as watering holes where people can gather to talk and opine. When the water becomes polluted, I really think everybody should move to some nicer spot.

“I know some readers will feel that closing this avenue of expression smacks of censorship. However, my cartoons are always subject to detailed editorial review and censorship. I believe that misogynistic tirades and the general broadcast of hateful ugliness certainly deserve the same review. In my view, despite so many well-wishers, the comics.com watering hole is being repeatedly poisoned, and I don’t believe it should be an accompaniment to my work.”

I can only add to the above that I never object to criticism or dispute of my work. On the whole, I stay out of those issues, because I am going to do things the way I do them. I owe that to my readers, who can then argue the finer points.

FOR THOSE HILARY HAHN FANS WHO NEED TO KNOW...

2009-06-23T12:26:00.007-04:00

Recently, just after Hilary Hahn's recital with Valentina Lisitsa at Town Hall in NYC, I was kindly and adroitly shepherded backstage by Hilary's parents (left to my own resources, I'd still be disoriented beneath the stage purloining stale blintzes from the slower rodents). When Hilary emerged from her last encore, her mom obliged us with a couple photos, which I append here for those who wondered if I was taking abominable liberties by including her in the story of Edda and Amos in Brussels.

This second shot includes my
daughter Nicola, a.k.a The Snark.

SNARKILY, I MUST ADVISE...

2009-05-29T23:18:00.002-04:00

...that there is a new, piping hot snark over at Snarkland, a.k.a., The Snark Ascending. Grab the link at the left and don't forget to take along Toto.

Nuff sed.

Just read.

THE SAN DIEGO COMIC CON

2009-05-27T13:21:00.002-04:00

I should make note that I will be attending the reputably zoological San Diego Comic Con in the end of July. Details can be found online. Erratically I will be found at the Sunday Press Books booth, No. 1217, under the UClick banner – the rest of the time, I am informed, I will simply be trampled underfoot, but that's all the fun of the Con.

THE SCHOOL SHOOTING STORY

2009-03-03T12:33:00.032-05:00

I receive from time to time requests to see the first actual story arc I drew in "9 Chickweed Lane," which began on August 25th, 1997. The idea for it began as a reverie on how Juliette would react upon hearing that her daughter had been accidentally shot as school. The idea generated from there. I considered and reconsidered it a lot, because "9 Chickweed Lane" had always been pretty much a gag-a-day strip, and never particularly dramatic. This idea was a definite departure. It was not intended as a social polemic or a political diatribe, but as soon as it hatched in the papers it was taken as both, and it made a lot of readers mad at me. Most of their ire was caused by where they thought I was going to go with the story (not where I ultimately went), and I asked them to reserve their anger until the story had played out, then tell me what they thought. I did not ask my editor at the time (not to be confused with my editor now or my editor previously) for permission to draw these strips. The answer would have been "no."

You will see, of course, as you would with any strip that goes through an evolution over the course of years, that Edda, Amos, Juliette, et al., have changed in appearance. You will also see Sister Aramus, who has since become Diane, wife of Francis Durly. You will also see Amos and Edda's first definitely serious kiss. They were 15 at the time.

Anyway, here are the strips. If you click them, you should see a larger view. I hope.

ON THE RETURN OF THE LOONS

2009-02-14T19:03:00.009-05:00

It is the most understandable of reactions, when you tread in a mass of excrement, to look at the sole of your shoe and mutter, "Aw sh...!" It is a statement that, in all brevity, identifies and simultaneously offers critical assessment.

The same thing happens when you come upon a cartoon (for instance) that you truly deplore. You scrape it off your metaphorical shoe, offer your brief appraisal, and depart in disgust. That is the sane and appropriate response. Consider, however, the miscreant who returns again and again just to step back into the excrement and rail about it. This raises severe questions regarding his mental state, to wit that he is bonkers and wishes to draw attention to his condition without let or hindrance. We know these people. On my comics sites, the regular readers call them "trolls."

Tilting at trolls, I feel, does little more than to egg them on by blessing them with the attention they so desire; and although rising in defense of the cartoon seems only right and loyal, one wonders if insanity can be combated by talking to it. Perhaps it is just as well the insane take pot shots at a cartoon, rather than mete out their frustrations by urinating on people in bus queues or seeking public office.

If my little drawings can entice the repeated focus and ire of the seething wacko, perhaps I have not only entertained the loyal who enjoy my work, but given purpose and containment to citizens who might otherwise foam publicly at the mouth and screw around with tax legislation, or run Merrill Lynch. Call it my public service.

Brooke (not a candidate, and I pay my taxes)

2008-12-06T14:47:00.002-05:00

Inquiring minds want to know. What was the piece Edda and Amos played at the Concours Forrestier International in Brussels? I have to admit, all the way through illustrating the actual performance, I heard the cello version of César Franck's Violin Sonata (which Franck offered as an alternative to the violin). It wasn't deliberate. I just couldn't get it out of my head.

I have drawn cartoons during which I couldn't expel "The Ballad of Gilligan's Island" from my mind, so I consider myself lucky.

Anyway, that's the poop. In the drawing to the left, Edda and Amos are playing the final A.

THE UNCORRUPTED

2008-12-06T11:41:00.010-05:00

A reader wrote to alert me that two Chickweed cartoons are corrupted online, one in the Houston Chroinicle archive, the other at comics.com. I exhumed the originals from my own cache, and post them here.

From 1998, the December 5 daily.

And from 2004, the number for December 24th.

THE KREUTZER SONATA

2008-12-05T08:05:00.006-05:00

In today's cartoon (12/5), I pay homage to what I knew in my formative years as "The Tabu Ad," in the New Yorker (among other publications). It is, of course, not just a Tabu ad. The artist's name is René François Xavier Prinet. He painted the work in 1901, and it went on to an illustrious career of shilling musk-laced scent.

Ignoring the fact that the gentleman with the fiddle is standing around the end of the piano, leaning over precariously to plant a smooch on his accompanist's scarlet wound of a mouth, while she begins to topple backwards, promising a scene but two seconds hence of both sprawled upon the floor amidst shards of violin and broken teeth – a moment worthy of Mack Sennett – there's still some mighty heavy breathing available in the image. I couldn't resist invoking it.

Really, to make it perfect, we just need the Keystone Cops, Stan and Ollie, and Ben Turpin waiting offstage, but, perhaps, another day.

Meanwhile, the question has been posed: Is the piano lid open in the last panel of the cartoon? Yes it is. It wasn't in Prinet's work, but I reached in and opened it. It may not be quite as open as it was in the first panel, but it's open.

THAT BALLOON IN BRUSSELS

2008-11-13T23:04:00.005-05:00

PIBGORN REP: A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

2008-10-12T07:33:00.008-04:00

Starting to think about Christmas?

Write to Pibpress@verizon.net

(with zip or location, number of books, which books)

OFFICIAL PIBGORN and THE SNARK

2008-10-09T21:43:00.003-04:00

Just as a reminder, I reflect and comment on all things Pibgorn at officialpibgorn.livejournal.com, the link to which you can see on the left. Chickweed is the business and pleasure of this site.

Meanwhile, THE SNARK IS BACK, scrawling on the walls of her cave and howling at the moon at snarkascending.livejournal.com. And, when necessary, I'm providing illustrations, one of which, a portrait of Ephram M. Cloaca, you can see there at this very moment.

Ahem.....what are you waiting for?

THE WITCHES' SABBATH

2008-10-09T12:58:00.002-04:00

CR-U-U-U-U-D

2008-10-09T12:24:00.002-04:00

Readers have inquired after the Sunday cartoon for August 17th, asking for a link. Going one better, here is the cartoon. If you click it, it ought to enlarge. I hope it does, anyway.